It helps when you open up your mind,

salam.

hello. there's no actual writing lately, too submerged with feelings, hence the songs, each with meanings, significant of 'us'

i kept shut, and away from everybody, that is 'friends' and 'boys' for the last weeks, i busied myself,

reports;
A1 plans and layouts and sections;
baking my ass off;
sleep till my head hurts;
online till i cant open my eyes;

secretly, i want to go back to uni, where life isn't as bored as home, being home is ohsemm but i' bored, i dont have friends to talk to, i have a crabby sister who cant stop bullying me, i have a father who sometimes makes me suffocate, and my mom who nags nags nags, i want to be alone, like alone,

i'm pretty sure i'll quit QS soon as i finished next year, i cant pictured myself as a QS nemore, nor i'll ever understood why the heck that we were forced to learn what we wouldn't be applying in real life, pffft boleh tak someone explain? what the hell are we doing wearing baju kurung 5 days a week, while in reality, what I saw we have to panjat bukit, panjat site, langkah reinforcement, lalu bawah crane, pijak wet soils wet dirts, muds, berpanas terik utk check progress, FUCK APAHAL WAJIB PAKAI BAJU KURUNG LA SIALLL KALAU DAH KENA PERGI SITE MACAM HUTANNNN?!

it's a choice alright, but still, i cant see ANY reason why while studying we are OBLIGATED to wear baju kurung, i love baju kurung alright, but no reason to be perkara wajib when realitinya, KAU SANGGUP KE REDAH SITE MACA PADANG PASIR DENGAN BAJU KURUNG, MENYUSAHKAN ORANG, MELAMBATKAN ORANG, MENJENGKELKAN ORANG, paham?! i wish this one rule will be revised, it is sooooo out of logic,

well, it goes with the WAJIB BERTUDUNG rule, where fomme encouraged hypocrites amongg the students, kau paksa pun, kluar kelas  diorg still free hair, heh nampaj aku pakai sluar dgn tshirt + cardi dkt bandar U pun dah pandang slek, apahal ntah, SALAH KE DO, SALAH KE PAKAI MACAM TU? SALAH KE PAKAI SELUAR? KAU TAK PAKAI SELUAR KE DO? KAU STUDENT DULU KAU TAK PAKAI JEANS DGN TSHIRT KE DO? nak condemn orang bagai, no one is perfect, kau kata student QS nampak smart kemas bila baju kurung + tudung, but realitinya? prgi budak QS one of the worst, kau nak cover dengan baju kurung + tudung, slack + kemeja + tie tu? pffft harapaaaaaaaan



i dont know, i hate being controlled, i showed it already too much, i'm the only daughter to ignore my parents' wishes and command, my dad would love fomme to wear loose clothes, lower my shawls a bit more, wear loose jeans, but i ignored it, my mom would love fomme to help her do houseworks, i hate it when i was told to do it, i love it if i myself volunteer to do so, my mo would love if i wore loose clothes etc etc she's my dad second mind btw, i hate being controlled, i rebelled back, i purposely flung my finals in samura during form 4 hehe sbb benci gila kena paksa ddk hostel, then i neutralize during senior year


i want to be free,

btw, kau kata kau nak tengok je, walaupun people says kau sebenarnya okey, but bagi aku kau tetap pemalas, dan peniru, yes you can do it on your own, confident la sikit dengan hasil kerja kau, BUT since kau copy dari orang lain jugak, and kau takut dia salah, so kau nak tengok aku punya so that kau boleh ejas ejas jadi betul, let that poor fella kena hentam atas kesalahan dia tadi, hell no aku akan bagi kau tengok aku punya kerja, i spent hours trying to make it look complete, yes aku ada refer senior punya, yes maybe aku tiru format dia, but aku kira semua benda tu sendiri, aku taip semua tu sendiri, lepas tu kau "tengok", kau copy paste, FUCK KAU LA! umur dah 20 perangai macam 13, kalau sampai sudah assigment kau kau tiru orang, aku boleh bet kau tak lepas part 6 nanti, dear god please please give me the best groupmate for the final project, aku taknak manusia macam kau, yang kerja makan atas hasil penat lelah orang lain, heh lecturer ingatkan pergi praktikal otak matang sikit, HARAMMM lemak terlebih, the reports are supposed to help us be independent, FUCK LA KAU NAK TIRU KERJA AKU FUCK OFF!


heh, kau boleh charmed your way through my friends, or other girls, fuck kalau kau ingat aku cair, fuck aku kesa kalau kau nak banned aku, fuck kalau kau ingat aku kesa takde lelaki nak cakap dengan aku, fuck kalau kau ingat kau boleh gunakan orang lain, braderr ada otak, ada akal, GUNA LA, lembab otak kalau tak di servis selalu, get it?

fuck aku tak kesa kau nak "middle finger" kat aku, sebab aku boleh je "middle finger" kat kau balik, even dah lama tak buat, but i still got it, NAK?




jangan memperlekehkan kerja orang lain, nak refer boleh, tapi sambil refer kau condemn, penat lelah orang lain kau pijak macam karpet, pergh

"when people start to lose their respect on someone, there'll never be a way to gain the respect back"

- n.a.a.w

sorry for all the trash talk,

i hope one day, hati ini akan bersih dari semua ini,
i wish to be as white as the day i was born,

salam.